When an Elderly Parent Refuses to Make a Will

An elderly parent may need your encouragement to get an estate plan.
An elderly parent may need your encouragement to get an estate plan.

This is a tough scenario. It happens more often than you’d think. Your elderly parent or other family member owns a home, investment accounts and a retirement account, but doesn’t want to have an estate plan. They know they need to do something, but keep putting it off—until they die, and the family is left with an expensive and stressful mess. A recent article titled “How to Get a Loved One to Visit an Estate Planning Attorney Before It’s Too Late” from Kiplinger, suggests ways to talk to a family member about the need for an estate plan.

Most people put off seeing an estate planning attorney, because they are afraid of death. They may also be overwhelmed by the thought of how much work is involved. They are also worried about what it all might cost. However, if there is no estate plan, the costs will be far higher for the family.

How do you get your elderly parent or other family member to understand that they need to move forward?

Talk with the financial professionals your elderly parent or family member already uses and trusts, like a CPA or financial advisor. Ask them for a referral to an estate planning attorney they think would be a good fit with your family member who doesn’t have an estate plan. It may be easier to hear this message from a CPA, than from an adult child.

Work with that professional to help your older family member get comfortable with the idea of talking about their wishes and values with the estate planning attorney. Offer to attend the meeting, or to facilitate the video conference, to make your loved one feel more comfortable.

An experienced estate planning attorney will have worked with reluctant people before. They’ll know how to put the older person at ease and explore their concerns. When the conversation is pleasant and productive, the person may understand that the process will not be as challenging as they had thought and that there will be a lot of help along the way.

If there is no trusted team of professionals, then offer to be a part of any conversations with the estate planning attorney to make the introductory discussion easier. Share your own experience in estate planning with your older family member and mention the reasons that prompted you to create an estate plan. Those reasons could include the peace of mind knowing that your family will not be faced with the time consuming and expensive task of trying to straighten out your affairs after you are gone.

Sometimes the best way to initiate a conversation with your elderly parents about estate planning is to mention that you are planning to do your own estate plan and ask their advice on what issues your should be considering. That may make it easier to ask your family member what they have done regarding their own estate plan.

Trying to force a person to engage in estate planning with a heavy hand, almost always ends up in a stubborn refusal. A gentle approach will always be more successful. Explaining how an estate plan includes not only distributing assets at death, but planning for medical decisions while the person is living, may motivate an otherwise reluctant family member to take that first step.

Describing what the family members will need to go through if there is no will, may or may not have an impact. Some people don’t care, and may simply shrug and say, “It’ll be their problem, not mine.” Consider what or who matters to the person. What if they could leave a gift to a favorite charity or create a fund for their grandchildren to go to college? That might be more motivating.

Another thing to consider: what if your elderly parent or family member has an estate plan and it is out of date? That may be just as bad as not having an estate plan at all, especially if tax laws have changed since the estate plan was made. Also, what if, instead of naming their children as agents to make medical decisions for them, an old health care directive names an undesirable person, such as a former brother-in-law to make medical decisions?

Most people really want to have an estate plan in place, but just never get around to doing it. You could provide a great service to your elderly parent or other family member by giving them the encouragement and assistance to move forward so they can cross this task off their list of things they need to take care of.

You may also be interested in https://galligan-law.com/caring-for-an-elderly-parent-without-ruining-your-relationship/.

Reference: Kiplinger (May 11, 2020) “How to Get a Loved One to Visit an Estate Planning Attorney Before It’s Too Late”

 

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How Can Caregivers Find Time for Self-Care?

Family caregivers need to take time out for self care.
Family caregivers need to take time out for self care.

It’s not uncommon for a caregiver to start their journey in a crisis when a family member gets a devastating diagnosis—like Alzheimer’s, cancer, or heart disease—that causes physical or cognitive restrictions on independent daily living.

Considerable’s recent article entitled “How family caregivers can use a Monday routine to reinvent self-care” reports that more than 34 million Americans are caring for a loved one over the age of 50.

Although many caregivers take on their role willingly, they may be forfeiting much needed time for self-care. These sacrifices can accumulate over time, since most caregivers spend an average of four years and 80-160 hours a month in their caregiving role. For individuals taking care of a person with dementia or Alzheimer’s, it can be double that with additional stress.

Creating a routine can give calm to caregivers. A program that is based on a healthy weekly routine is Caregiver Monday, part of The Monday Campaign’s nonprofit public health initiative.

Most caregivers have their regular routines drastically changed, when caring for a family member, This gives caregivers a feeling of a loss of control. When added to the inability to control the disease or disability that impacts loved ones, caregivers can suddenly feel overwhelmed with increased anxiety and chronic stress. This psychological state is called loss of locus of control and has two paths: (i) internal locus of control; and (ii) external locus of control. Caregivers can’t gain external locus of control over the situation or disease, but they can increase internal locus of control—that’s the response they have to these situations. Creating a new routine is part of reestablishing internal locus of control.

A routine can help caregivers cope with change, focus on healthy habits and decrease their stress. It can also help restore balance in a caregiver’s life. Monday gives us a natural refresh point, because it’s part of our cultural DNA. Monday is the start of the work week and the school week, so it makes sense that caregivers can use Monday as the start of a sustainable effort towards improved self-care.

Caregiver Monday provides self-care practices and promotion, and focuses on physical, emotional and social health behavioral change, by helping caregivers commit to weekly efforts. A 2019 survey of 1,000 adult Americans conducted by Data Decisions Group for The Monday Campaigns found that 64% of respondents said if they begin on Monday with a positive frame of mind, they’re more apt to remain positive for the rest of the week. Those surveyed reported they were also more likely to start exercise routines, eat healthier and make doctor’s appointments on Mondays.

Here are three ideas to begin a Caregiver Monday routine. Instead of the Monday blues, caregivers can use Monday as their personal “Fun Day,” to focus on themselves. Caregivers can:

  • Follow Caregiver Monday on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram for ideas every week on finding self-care practices.
  • Get involved with the caregiving community on these social sites to feel less alone.
  • Ask friends and family to assist with respite care to get a self-care break.

Even with the disruption and the distress, caregivers can use Monday to have a little fun. You can don your favorite color on Mondays or watch YouTube videos of baby animals (a scientific study shows that this can have a positive effect on mood and productivity). Most importantly, thank yourself with little self-care activities and be grateful you can be there for your family member every day.

For more information on issues of concern for the elderly see  https://galligan-law.com/elder-financial-abuse-is-increasing/.

Reference: Considerable (May 11, 2020) “How family caregivers can use a Monday routine to reinvent self-care”

 

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Elder Abuse Continues as a Billion-dollar Problem

Elder abuse continues to be a problem for seniors, but individuals can take steps to protect themselves in their estate plans and finances.

Aging baby boomers are a giant target for scammers. A report issued last year from a federal agency, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau highlighted the growth in banks and brokerage firms that reported suspicious activity in elderly clients’ accounts. The monthly filing of suspicious activity reports tied to elder financial exploitation increased four times from 2013 through 2017, according to a recent article from the Rome-News Tribune titled “Financial abuse steals billions from seniors each year.”

When the victim knew the other person, a family member or an acquaintance, the average loss was around $50,000. When the victim did not have a personal relationship with their scammer, the average loss was around $17,000.  See this recent blog for more background.  https://galligan-law.com/elder-financial-abuse-is-increasing/

What can you do to protect yourself, now and in the future, from becoming a victim? There are many ways to build a defense that will make it less likely that you or a loved one will become a victim of these scams.

First, don’t put off taking steps to protect yourself, while you are relatively young. Putting safeguards into place now can make you less vulnerable in the future. If you are suffer bad health and lack of capacity later, it may be too late.

Create a durable power of attorney as part of your estate plan. The power of attorney names a trusted person you name as your legal representative or agent, who can manage your financial affairs if need be.  You should also consider using a trust which owns assets during your lifetime.  While it is true that family members are often the ones who commit financial elder abuse, you’ll need to put your trust in someone. Usually this is an adult child or a relative. You may also consider a bank as a trustee.  They will charge for their services, but their professionalism makes a bank an excellent choice.

It may also help to bring your agent, trustee and other loved ones into the discussion about assisting with your finances well before incapacity and be open with them about what you want your fiduciaries to do.  Of course, many people are hesitant to discuss finances openly, but as Justice Brandeis remarked over a hundred years ago, “Sunshine is said to be the best of disinfectants.”  Having multiple people aware of what is happening and what your fiduciaries are doing may prevent one bad actor from attempting or getting away with elder abuse.

Consider the guaranteed income approach to retirement planning. Figuring out how to generate a steady stream of income as you face the cognitive declines that occur in later years might be a challenge. Planning for this in advance will be better.  Social Security is one of the most valuable sources of guaranteed income. If you will receive a pension, try not to do a lump sum payout with the intent to invest the money on your own. That lump sum makes you a rich target for scammers.

Consider rolling over 401(k) accounts into Roth accounts, or simply into one account. If you have one or more workplace retirement plans, consolidating them will make it easier for you or your representative to manage investments and required minimum distributions.

Make sure that you have an estate plan in place, or that your estate plan is current. Over time, families grow and change, financial situations change and the intentions you had ten, twenty or even thirty years ago, may not be the same as they are today. An experienced estate planning attorney can ensure that your wishes today are followed, through the use of a will, trust and other estate planning strategies.

Resource: Rome News-Tribune (April 27, 2020) “Financial abuse steals billions from seniors each year.”

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